Monday, April 19, 2010

Are You Lost Yet?

Or-- Lost 666

Why 666? ABC's "Lost" is in its 6th season (heading for a big finale). There are approximately 6 hours left (depending on what is measured as an hour). NBC's "Lost" only lasted 6 episodes. Hey, wasn't that a reality show? Why, yes, it certainly was. It premiered at the same time as CBS's "The Amazing Race" and quickly turned out to be a not so amazing race, an exercise in begging one's way around the world in order to reach the Statue of Liberty, but it must be admitted that the first 20 minutes or so where the players actually were lost were interesting.

ABC's "Lost" owes more to CBS's "Survivor" than CBS's "Amazing Race" or NBC's "Lost," so hey there's another reality show connection there. Want another one? A long time ago in Japan they had a sort of amazing race show which started with 1,000 players and slaughtered most of them until only one winner got back to Tokyo. There was also this thing called "Eco-Challenge" which had teams racing across land and sea, serious injuries like sucking chest wounds and players simply disintigrating for various reasons were great sport in that one.

So, let's ask the question, who do we think is going to win ABC's "Lost" (besides ABC)?

The premise was simple, an airliner on its way from Australia to California crashed on a mysterious island, 71 people and a dog and a ghost and an unborn baby survived the crash. Fortunately most of the living survivors were extras, fortunately since they started dropping out of the game almost immediately. One guy got sucked into a jet engine in the first few minutes, it was gnarly. Seth Norris, the pilot, was the next to buy it, killed by a monster. Some other characters showed up along the way, we can dismiss most of them as extras as well. Okay? So who are the players? The important ones I mean.

Already eliminated. Christian Shepherd, I mean he was dead to begin with, that was a gimme. Died along the way: pilot Seth Norris, marshall Edward Mars, Boone Carlyle, Shannon Rutherford, Michael Dawson (who previously had escaped but came back, I suppose technically he should be presumed dead), Charlie Pace, Mr. Eko, Ana-Lucia Cortez, Libby Smith, Nikki Fernandez, Paulo, Daniel Faraday, Charlotte Staples Lewis, Ilana Radzinsky, Danielle Rousseau, Alex Rousseau, Tom Friendly Ethan Rom, Martin Keamy, Naomi Dorrit, Leslie Arzt, Scott and Steve. Juliet Burke. Speaking of bizarre, Juliet somehow survived suicidally triggering a nuclear explosion, dying decades later from injuries from being crushed under rubble. Oh, John Locke is also dead, the current John Locke is an amazing simulation. Sayid Jarrah also died but was resurrected somehow, personally I think that means he's eliminated (ghost tribe was one of the worst twists ever in "Survivor").

The following players managed to escape the island and not come back: Walt Lloyd, Aaron Littleton Austen (born on the island), Eloise Hawking, and the Kwon baby (conceived on the island). They are eliminated. The following dummies managed to get off the island but came back: Jack Shephard, Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Sun-Hwa Kwon, Kate Austen, Miles Straume, Richard Alpert, Charles Widmore, Ben Linus. They get the Darwin awards for being too stupid to win. They are eliminated.

So, who does that leave, our potential winners pool?

Claire Littleton. But should she win? She got on a plane when she was eight months pregnant, think about it.

Frank Lapidus. Yeah, he left the island and came back, but unlike the others who came back his return was purely by accident, not intentional. He loses points, though, for not turning his plane around and kicking off the dummies who were returning intentionally.

Desmond Hume. He got off the island but was brought back against his will. Really strange guy, though.

James "Sawyer" Ford. The ladies love this guy, don't see it myself. He's tried three times to get off the island, by raft, helicopter and submarine. The raft blew up, but he loses points for having intentionally gotten off both the helicopter and submarine.

Jin-Soo Kwon. Poor guy, the island experience has been a real nightmare for Jin, couldn't even speak the language at first, separated from his hot wife, never seen his daughter, almost killed with Michael.

Cindy Chandler. You show up one day for work, end up surviving with tailies then get kidnapped by others and forced to be a babysitter.

Emma and Zach. Because the others kidnapped them but then got tired of babysitting.

Bernard Nadler. Nice guy, retired from the game though, just gave up trying to get off the island.

Rose Henderson-Nadler. Retired, was never really into the game anyway.

Vincent. Pretty much the only one who can survive on his own, even survived being in with the luggage, and they wouldn't let him on the raft! They really could have used a dog on that raft.

My vote is for Vincent! How about the rest of you?

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